Making Love with Solitude

I lie alone,
                 but not quite.

 
a touch,
a sound’
a glimpse…

 
It is dark,
               But not quite.

 
I feel my heart
struggling to beat
through your fingers
scrunched up in a fist
of your hand.

 
my heart in your fist.
your fist in my gut,
my gut in my throat.
my throat…is dry.
…so dry…
              from the screams it couldn’t scream,
                         the words it  wouldn’t speak,
                         the songs it didn’t sing.
              and the laughter…silenced.  

 
My bed is empty.
My heart is cold.
My body is trembling,
against your hold.

 
Your hold tightens.
an embrace..? 

 
I am wrapped in you.
You seep into me,
        course through me,
        running inside me,
        bombarding against me,
you settle, within me.

 
I am sleeping with you, 
                         within you.
You are growing inside me.
growing, breeding. breeding, growing.

 
I roll over,
pull my blanket to my chin
and open my eyes.

 
I am lying beside you,
in the darkness…
            alone!
 
— Saheli Khastagir